Not all of these miles are gruelling. On Sunday I had day in the sunshine with my littlest squishies. We went into Yeovil for some retail therapy (mainly to stock on my growing little ladies summer wardrobe) and got that step fount up.
After a quick lunch at home, we were off to the park. A nice walk down there, Little man didn’t moan once which was novel. Then we went for a run around the field, there is just something about being in the sun, listening to children enjoying themselves and laughing. There was a moment when the squishies were in their own little world playing a game of chase (and for once little man wasnt trying to push his sister over), and i just got to sit there, watching them and contemplating life in general. Mainly contemplating how life would be if mum was still here.
I know it sounds depressing to think like that, but sometimes its nice to think mum will just walk in the door and have a coffee and a chat. I often wonder what she would think of the kids, the new house, my music school, life in general. I know she would be proud of me. I know she would love my kids, and they would love her. My mum was amazing with kids, she was patient, kind, fun, and kids just adored her. She was an amazing mum, and she was so happy to be a Granny (GG) to her only grandchild at the time, and was soooo looking forward to having more grandchildren. Infact she now has 9.
Every step i take on this journey is rasing money so research into Brain tumours can stop others from missing out on having their loved ones around, and give every single person diagnosed the very best chance of survival.
Give your family an extra cuddle tonight. I cherish every single day i have with mine (even the ones where i want to tear my hair out and scream).
Since embarking on this journey, I have walked just over 100 miles. This has been a combination of school runs, long walks with the children, pacing the house when the weather is bad or the kids are asleep, running up and down the garden with the kids etc….
The biggest challenge i face is my nearly 4 year old who loathes walking more than i do and will walk about 20 steps before either, throwing a paddy or sitting down and refusing to go any further. As we have moved house he is not yet in a preschool so the mileage will be higher from 18th April.
We have had some lovely walks though. Its been nice to reflect on Mum through these walks. To remember some lovely walks we went on together. For a while Mum and i would get up at 5.30 to walk the dogs before school when i was in 6th form. I hated getting out of bed for it, but when we got going I really enjoyed it. We had lovely family walks round Hengisbury head, on the beach, Delph woods, in the country side, with the brownie pack we ran. We would talk and talk all the way round and they never really seemed long enough. I am not a lover of exercise but i would give anything to have oe last walk with her.
Its been 3 and a half years since she died and every day is still a struggle. They say time is a healer and on the one hand i believe this is true. The grief has got easier to handle. I still have days when it is just about getting through the day. Mothers day weekend was like this. It was Mums birthday, mothers day and it was 3 and a half years since we lost her all at the same time. But those days become further apart and easier to deal with. However, the thing that grows with every passing hour that mum isnt her, is the missing her. I miss her more and more every single day and that will go on forever and nothing will stop it . This journey isn’t just about the miles, its about my journey without Mum. In the hope that something I say might be helpful to just one person going through something similar.
We have all lost someone. We all have causes we support and charities we donate to. This is my cause. This is my story. This is my challenge. Please support it if you can.
Hezzie is my Mum. She cannot be explained simply. She was a wonderful Mum, an amazing friend, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, daughter…… She is very much missed.
This blog is very much about my feelings and thoughts about Mum and how I have been coping with losing her. Its about my journey so far and my journey through 1000 miles of walking her challenge.
Hezzie was one of a kind (was or is? it is still difficult to know if you say was or is). She was my best friend, my moaning partner, at times my colleague, my partner in crime. I spoke to her every day.. and i miss her more than I ever thought possible. When someone is that much a part of your every day life it becomes a huge hole when they go.
On 12th September 2013, Mum was sent to hospital having suffered a suspected stroke. After a few tests and a CT and MRI scan, just hours after being admitted, myself and my brothers and sisters were told Mum had a brain tumour. A glioblamstoma Multiforme to be precise. At the time we had no idea what that was or how much those words would be forever engraved in our minds.
Although Mum remained positive, we had googled the type of tumour and found out what she was up against. Without wanting to mince my words, it was a death sentence. The survival rate was poor but as i was getting married in November Mum was determined to be there.
Sadly this was not meant to be. Mum died exactly 2 weeks later on 26th September 2013. Her tumour was too aggressive and it haemorrhaged. She passed away peacefully.
This challenge is to raise much needed money to fund research so that tumours can be diagnosed and treated quickly.
Mum is an amazing lady and I miss her every minute of every day. I would give anything to have her back. But as that is not possible, inher place i will settle for helping where i can to save others from the loss of a loved one. My challenge is a drop in the ocean and I will continue with more fundraising in the future.
Thank you for reading.
Welcome to my blog.
It seems funny to welcome people when you don’t know if there are any people actually reading this. Well, this is my introduction to explain the answer to the following questions. What is the challenge? why am i doing it? how am i doing it? what does it mean to me?
So here goes..
What is the challenge?
The challenge is to walk/run/trot/crawl 1000 miles between 1st March and 31st Decemberto raise money for the brain tumour charity.
Why am I doing this?
Brain tumours are the biggest cancer killer of children and adults under 40. Over 10,600 people are diagnosed each year with a primary brain tumour – that’s 29 people every day. … Less than 2% of the £498 million invested in cancer research funding in the UK in 2014 was spent on brain tumours.
These are scary statistics. My Mum was one of those 29 people and she died exactly 14 days after being diagnosed with a Glioblastoma Multiforme Stage 4 brain tumour in 2013. The brain tumour charity pour money into important research to blow these statistics out of the water. Every single penny raised will go towards funding important research to combat brain cancer. For example, accordion to the studies, 1 research centre costs around £3000 per day to run. So my £1000 target would only keep 1 centre going until tea break.
How am i doing it?
Well, i am quite simply staying on my feet as much as possible. The target is 3.3 miles per day. However, needing to allow for moving house, illness etc….. this can easily get behind. I now have a fitbit which means when it is raining, or the kids are sick, i pace the house for hours to get the milage counter up. I am one month in and just over 100 miles down.
I plan to have a group sponsored walk in the morning on 31st december ending at a pub for a raffle and of course drinks and mince pies. This will be a great way to end the challenge and hopefully get the last few miles done. (details to follow).
What does this mean to me??
Well actually this section is more about what this might mean to others really. There is nothing i can do to bring Mum back. But what i can do is raise as much money as i can to help fund the research to stop others feeling the pain of losing someone. When mum was diagnosed we felt hopeless. I have seen first hand how research and experimental trials provide hope for families (future blog to follow) so every penny really helps.
Well i have taken up enough space on the interweb.
Thank you for reading